Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

Good guide to creating the happy family we all hope to have. It encourages a more positive & gentle approach to parenting rather than relying on punishment, shouting & threats to guide behaviour; it doesn't encourage permissiveness, but rather teaches you how to set limits with empathy & respect. Having moved from a more "mainstream" parenting style when my older kids were little (punishment/reward to shape behaviour, shouting & threatening in an attempt to control them, failing to take enough care of myself to give my kids what they needed, getting cross with them for displaying negative emotions, etc - all of which seems to be pretty "normal" parenting in many families in my experience) to a much more gentle approach by the time my youngest was born I can see both sides and am confident that my current parenting style (which is similar to that outlined in this book) is a massive improvement in all respects!This type of parenting is just as successful (if not more) at getting kids to cooperate with requests and behave pleasantly & respectfully to authority figures & other people they come into contact with (contrary to popular assumption that it encourages kids to be overindulged "brats"), but it does so in a way that is far less damaging to the bond between parent & child, the child's self esteem, their ability to take responsibility for their actions, their emotional & cognitive development, etc. Some of the other popular parenting books promote solutions that are "quick fixes" designed to get immediate results (and hence lots of positive publicity from parents saying "it worked for us!") but they neglect to consider the long term implications of their methods. As parents we want our kids to grow up into happy, well balanced, confident, self reliant, kind & responsible people, but too many popular parenting methods actively work against these goals in favour of producing short term compliance with what seems convenient for the parents. An example would be using reward & punishment systems; I was a huge believer in these when my older kids were younger, as it seemed a very effective way to get them to tidy their room & do other things I wanted them to do. However, what has become apparent as they've got older is that they are not good at motivating themselves to do anything requiring much effort unless there is the promise of a tangible reward at the end of it or the threat of a very negative immediate consquence, and that they need a lot of parental input to get started & keep going. The stupid thing is, having studied psychology, I was actually aware of some of the flaws with using rewards long term to motivate people (it is a well known phenomenon that a task that is rewarded become less intrinsically rewarding over time, and people start to only do it because of the promise of a reward) but was blinded by the fact that this seemed to be the "best" method offered by parenting experts and was what all other "good parents" were doing (this was back in the day when Supernanny reigned supreme!).The advice in this book is mainly aimed at parents of younger children (up to about 9) so I felt like I'd "missed the boat" a bit with my older kids, but some of it can be tailored to be applicable to older children & the basic principles of nurturing the connection between you & your kids, setting limits with empathy, taking care of yourself so you are more able to take care of your family, and generally building a loving & respectful family dynamic helps however old your kids are. With my youngest I have found that applying what I have learnt in books like this one and on websites like the author's "ahaparenting.com" has helped me create a great relationship with my daughter, has made me feel like a more confident & competent parent, has reduced the battles & tantrums & has supported her development into a very happy, able, confident & emotionally intelligent little girl! I just wish I'd known all this when my older kids were her age.My only real criticisms would be that it can all seem rather American to the average British reader, and can be a bit overly sentimental & "cheesy" sometimes. My husband wasn't so keen & complained about how much it kept going on about love!! I did feel when I was reading it that it seemed aimed at a female audience and might be a bit offputting to some men (it's hard to give a concrete example of that, it was more just a "vibe"!). Also some of the examples of the types of things you are supposed to say to your child sound unnatural to a cynical Brit like me so you might have to tailor some of it to suit yourself but the basic ideas are all very helpful and it just requires a little bit of imagination to fit them to your own life sometimes.All in all a very useful book for any parent of young children, and I'd highly recommend it as long as you can ignore some of the "cheesiness"!

Read this book on the back of dozens of others including 'Playful Parenting' which was excellent, but this one really hits home. Written in everyday simple language and with dozens of examples and real life experiences this helps put parenting into the context it belongs. It is not something you "DO" it is something you have been and will always be a "PART OF". Parenting should be looked at within the context of every influence within a family system - many of those parts outwith our awareness and control - until you can become aware of them. This book has already made a vast difference to the approach I adopt with our children (2 within an adoptive family) and the family atmosphere and harmony which now permeates our lives. That doesn't mean we don't have our "moments" but it does mean I don't beat myself up and am able to support my kids realise that life is a journey of ups and downs. Showing our kids how we deal with upset and conflict and being able to make repairs quickly and with positive connection has transformed our family. First class book and highly recommeded from a counsellor and avid reader on child development.

This is a brilliant book. It's only since toddlerhood that I have become more and more shouty and quite the opposite of peaceful.Toddlers just have a different pace than we do and it's useful to refer back to this book time and again to remind yourself that your child is behaving like a child because they are a child. The tantrums that I throw as a parent far outnumber the ones my child throws and this book helps me to really look at why I get so angry and frustrated.I'm not perfect, but no one is, and this book has helped me realise that trying to be perfect is just as damaging to me as it is my child. It also doesn't allow you child to get away with bad behaviour, but rather deal with it in a calm manner, and incite your child to want to behave well.I really can't give it enough praise. Just read it!

I found this book really helpful in managing my 2yr old's temper tantrums and managing my reactions to them. Must buy for any parent struggling with the terrible two's

This book offers real insight into finding peace within oneself so that the relationship between parent and child comes from this peaceful place rather than from the hurts of our own past which can often manifest as anger, yelling and a desire to control. Looking inward first before interacting with our children can help us to become more empathetic as we encourage our little ones to show empathy for others.If you sometimes struggle with staying calm in the face of a tantrum or 'bad' behaviour and want to find a way to quell those inner angry voices then this book will provide you with practical moment-to-moment techniques to calm down and approach your child with love, compassion and understanding.It is non-judgemental. It is real. It does not preach. It offers skills and insight into our own inner self and our connection with our children.Highly recommended.

This truly a life changing book. This book has given me the best insight into children and their development and a greater understanding of my role as a parent in supporting them. It has taught me the importance of being 'present' with my children, being connected and ultimately striving to help my children deal with their big emotions. A stay at home mother of four who finds parenting a challenge and this book has been such a big step forward for me in helping me to see things as they really are. I still struggle but I understand so much more now. I'm very grateful for this wonderful parenting education a blessing to our children if we can be helped to improve our parenting in anyway.

If you're trying to break a generational cycle of parenting then this is the book you want to read!My little one is 2 months old and I'm already implementing practices and seeing a positive response. ❤️

For me it wasnt just a parenting book. It was indeed a self help book for me.Made me realise that Parenting should start within you and "Be the change you want to see".

Es de lo mejor que he leído en mi vida! Me gustaría que estuviera en español para regalarla a muchas amigas! Me ha cambiado la vida!!! Soy más paz, tengas más recursos para criar a mis hijos!!!! Gracias mil gracias

A very useful book, easy and pleasant to read that every parent will find greatly helpful in dealing with children of all ages. I will recommend it to all my friends with kids!

Is this book for you? Let me state some questions, each one a little harder than the last. Is your child under the age of 6? If yes, then this book will probably work, if older, I'd really suggest a book for older kids. Are you at your wits end with the yelling, fighting at every turn and constant nagging to get simple things done with your child? If yes, then maybe this book IS for you. Have you noticed your current parenting methods are simply not working? If yes, then possibly, this book is for you. Lastly, the hardest question of all, are you willing to admit that you are most likely the biggest part of the problem with your child's misbehavior? If you can answer this question yes, then this book WILL work for you. But it does require you to dig deep and examine your own past, your own feelings, and your own problems and accept and work to fix them before your child will ever respond to these practices in the book.A little background on us: I have been struggling with my 2 year old daughter. She is very high needs, she is very stubborn and extremely intelligent. Add her constantly not feeling well from ear infections and eventually a perforated ear drum from tube malfunction, she was just rotten. A few months ago we were headed down an awful road. Tantrums every night, timeouts, me frustrated and angry and feeling like I've been through a war every night after she finally went to sleep. I cried everyday, I loved her but nothing was working, I didn't want to be THAT parent that broke her spirit but she wasn't listening to anything I said, she was getting violent, throwing things, hitting, just all around angry. I started reading this book out of sheer desperation, I was lost and felt completely alone and the ultimate failure. In the few weeks I've started the practices in this book, both Lise and I have done a 180. The tantrums are few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable. Lise has become affectionate with both her daddy and I. She freely gives kisses and hugs when before she refused any affection. She listens to what I say, she has started playing by herself and not demanding my attention 24/7. It's crazy and wonderful, I understand her feelings better and she's getting better at expressing whats going on and even more, handling her emotions and working through them herself. I just can't say enough, time outs, spanking all that is completely gone in our house. Even the word NO is very rarely used. Lise has started understanding and respecting our limits with little to no toddler stubbornness. She wants to make us happy and I can literally see the confidence building in her. Things aren't perfect, but they are absolutely better.At first reading this book, I was like um, no, there is no way that this could work. My wild child will walk all over me when I start this so called "love" parenting. But as I mentioned, I was desperate. I didn't want to spank her, I didn't want to drag her kicking and screaming to timeout, I didn't want to isolate her or be constantly telling her no she can't do that, no she can't do this, no, no, no. I knew deep down what I was doing wasn't right regardless of what family members suggested based on their experiences. They told me to come down hard on her now or she will only get worse. I was angry, she was angry, we both had no idea what to expect from each other that day, so we both went into the day guarded and short tempered. I knew I loved her dearly, and I tried my best to try the old school parenting practices with her but it was only making her worse. Yes, she listened most of the time based on threats when we were out in public or at someones house, but I now know that was only because I was humiliating her and would've done it further by spanking her or forcing timeout in front of people she simply wanted to interact with. I know what you are thinking, she is only 2, 2 year olds don't think on that level, but mine does. I can't speak for yours. Once I'd bring her home, the "old school" practices would break down, and I would be forced to yell, time out, and spank. Tantrums would be hours long, kicking, screaming (screaming on both of our parts) and hitting. The child lived in time out. It simply wasn't working. I was desperate for any alternative, and i thought, well, she is already unmanageable, what more could this do...So I started doing little things as I read them in the book. Before I was even done, I saw changes in her. Dramatic changes. I'm currently on my second round reading it. She wants to listen to us, yes she is a toddler, but often with a simple compromise, or a promise (that is ALWAYS kept on my part) to come back when time allows for whatever activity she is involved in, we can get through just about anything without screaming, or acting like a wild child. We understand each other so much better, we talk, we laugh, we have a blast together...I look forward to continuing this peaceful approach for the rest of her life. I'm sure there will be breakdowns, yelling, but I'm confident that we can work through just about anything together.