Essays in Love Paperback – 9 Nov. 2012

De Botton, Alaine. Essays in LoveIn her introduction to de Botton’s book (Picador Classics) Sheila Heti begins, ‘Essays in Love has been classified as a novel, but it’s a very strange novel.’ It is, she says, ‘a guide through the landscape of contemporary romance.’ In the book de Botton makes a habit of reflecting on a previous paragraph telling the story of (presumably his) love affair with Chloe, a woman whom he meets by chance sitting next to him on a Paris-London flight. Thus the novel-memoir seems at times to be a mere jumping of point to a profound analysis of the trite business of falling in love - and of course inevitably the disillusion inherent in that commonplace but unique event.I must confess that I am often puzzled by the memoir genre - how much is ‘true’ and how much falsified for the sake of art? In books about love affairs, which this absolutely is, how constant is the point of view? How can the reader believe in the ‘facts’ as retailed by the narrator? Well, de Botton (who wrote this book in his early twenties) does a masterly job of analysing the ebb and flow of desire, beginning with rapture over finding that the lovers have so much in common that some supernatural agency must have pre-determined their meeting. ‘I love chocolate, don’t you?’ asked Chloe. ‘I can’t understand people who don’t like chocolate.’ Well, the narrator, the ‘I’ in the story, de Botton or a version of him, hates chocolate: ‘I had been more or less allergic to chocolate all my life.’ So of course in the ‘story’ the narrator has to lie, or else run the risk of losing the ‘angel’ as Chloe is soon to become. This is the key to the novel, focusing on a mundane preference and lying about one’s true feelings. It’s what we all would do in the circumstances. It’s both true to life, and perfect for art. Now, whether the ‘real’ de Botton likes or hates chocolate is a moot point, one which the reader should not, according to convention at least, ask.What I liked about the story (I almost said ‘loved’ but then recalled de Botton’s complex of analyses of the word) and about the philosophical commentary that accompanies it is its lucidity, its honesty about feeling and beliefs, those transient markers we cling to - and eventually are obliged to release from our grasp. But the book is not all Freudian or Marxian analysis (Marx is the term confusingly used in the book to refer to Marx the comedian) but a moving and totally convincing ‘love story,’ telling it like it is, a rare thing in fiction.

A story of love as it is pulled out of your soul and mind onto the carpet to be thankfully dissected and reconstituted into a fresh reality. You will never know of love in the same way again and you will be enriched for it. A little tough going as one wades through the tedious depths of wisdom and depth of detail but so so worth the journey.

This was one of the best books I've read. I read it months ago and I'm still thinking about it. I highly recommend this - de Botton takes us through the philosophical implications of love through framing them in a story narrative. It's a wonderful way of thinking about things - although this may be considered 'pop philosophy' or 'pulp philosophy', I found it very exciting and relatable. I found each of my love stories in the philosophical story de Botton presents. I have recommended this book to anyone I have found struggling in terms of love. It's a beautiful reminder of what is possible, and how to take a break up, whilst also consolidating some truths on what it means to be in love and feel those first frissons of attraction.

This is a wonderful book. It charts the development of a relationship between the speaker and a woman he meets on a flight. Everyone will undoubtedly relate to the different stages of the relationship, from initial uncomfortable exchanges, charged with expectation, to the concern that you are more involved than your object of desire. It's a book that contains moments of high humour and accurately depicts the frustrations, confusions, joy and desolate despair that only romantic entanglement can bring. Neatly suffused with readable and thought provoking asides, this is a fantastic book - read it.

Alain De Botton is never less than an interesting writer and this book is no exception. However, it is comfortably my least favourite of his books because I can relate to it least. All writing about love is, to a certain extent, subjective, but in this case I find it hard to relate to De Botton's thoughts, feelings and reactions because they are so different from my own experience, which is not of relationships where there are major rows and patchings up, but of a greater degree of tolerance and compromise leading to a smoother ride, even through break up (although the pain of break up is not to be underestimated!). This book is worth reading because De Botton is very good at analysing each stage of his relationship with Chloe and it is fascinating to see Botton's character laid down in detail. But, in his other books I have always been able to take away a lot of points that are useful to my own life, or which make me think about things in a new way, which is not the case here. I wonder whether De Botton would have written a very different book today, at the age of 40, than when this was written in his early 20's?

Amazing, rarely, if ever have I felt an author looking over my shoulder. This author achieved this and more. I can find reminiscences of relationship in an essay.This is uncanny, I found myself drawn to Alain’s philosophy as , many worlds apart, he understood me in quite a unnerving way. I found solace that that I am not the first human male to feel this way, in fact I am treading a well worn path!! I feel I need to share this review as such a small book had a profound and lasting effect. I am now drawn to read further philosophical titles but can thoroughly recommend this book. Beware this it’s quite unnerving to be philosophically exposed!!

I wanted to learn more about modern authors who have critical acclaim when choosing this book. It took a few attempts to grasp the concepts of essays in novel form as a new concept. However, I am glad to have read such depth to love, philosophy and human connection. As a male reader, it was validating to see myself in the journey of the main character.