In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends. (Mom’s Choice Award Winner) Paperback – October 6, 2010

My husband and I are in the home study phase of adoption and already we’ve had a lot of questions from family and interesting conversations that make it apparent that, naturally, they don’t know as much about modern adoption as we do, nor what to expect (makes sense…we have been researching and thinking about this for quite some time!). I read this book cover to cover in for days, highlighted parts that resonated with me and even added a few notes here and there. I very much look forward to sharing it first with my mother, then mother-in-law and we’ll see from there. Great read and resource. Thank you to the author!

We’re in the process of adoption after years of infertility and pregnancy loss. My family has known but hasn’t been intimately involved. This book sheds SO much light on our journey and how to love our future adopted kiddos.My favorite part is that at the end of every chapter, there is a “What you can do” section giving practical advice to friends and family of an adoptive family.I’ll be buying more to give out for Christmas 🫶🏼

As an adoptive parent, my wife and I have faced a number of questions. Some of them have been great (tell us about her personality) and others have been a bit more harsh, likely unintentional and just fueled by the fact that people outside the process don't have as much exposure to it all as the parents. I have seen critical reviews that the book is too short. But I would argue that the book is just right in length. It does an excellent job of conveying pertinent information about all different types of adoptions. And it accomplishes another purpose in its brevity, that the conversation and education can continue either on your own or by talking to the adoptive parents in a new way. It won't have all the answers, and I suspect that to be the point. Anyway, how could one book have all the answers? Overall: Fantastic! Wish we would of had 10 copies at the outset of adoption and that it would be mandated reading for those looking to adopt!!

We are in the process of adopting a child from foster care, and bought this book for both sets of our parents. They have been excited for us, but a little overwhelmed and not quite sure how to "get their heads around" the issues, process and considerations. It was hard for us to know how much to share without scaring them. This book was perfect! My Dad said he read it in one sitting and it clarified a lot of generational differences in adoption for him. We also have a common base of knowledge and it has opened up some lines of discussion that we just didn't know how to broach before. I really recommend this for anyone adopting that wants to keep their family "positively excited but aware." :)

I am preparing to teach a breakout session at an adoption retreat about how to choose resource books for adoptive family libraries. I reviewed this book to find out if I wanted to include it in my list of recommended books. Overall, I like the idea of this book a lot! It offer GREAT points that I feel would have been helpful to share with my own family before we adopted two of our children. We've gotten several difficult comments in front of our children, or have had extended family over share because they just didn't know what's appropriate (and we should have told them). It hits on some more difficult topics, like addressing inappropriate questions, especially when asked in front of children. I also like how O'Toole helps to equip relatives and friends to answer adoption-related questions, making sure to be sensitive to the family and child's story. Although the book does touch on attachment and cocooning, I was hoping for more information about why adoptive parents often choose to "shelter" (cocoon) their new child for extended periods of time from other adults and even children. This can be difficult to understand for many people, and I think a few more pages about attachment and bonding would have been helpful. The other topic I was hoping to see but was missed was the effects of trauma, neglect, and abuse on the brain. Even children who were adopted at birth experience trauma, and many children who are adopted spend years in very neglectful, traumatic orphanages. This is very real for many adoptive families and needs to be discussed with relatives and close friends, because it can certainly affect the way we parent and discipline our children. Other than that, 4 stars for awesome content. I'll definitely be suggesting that families refer to this book for the relatives and friends!

This author put together a complete book on what people should know for adoption to include the adoptive parents as well as grandparents, family and friends. I enjoyed reading it and recommend it for anyone who is adopting or having a child come into their family by way of adoption.

This is the single best, of probably 10 adoption/foster books I've read. If you are starting down the path of adoption, and would like to circumvent family discussions that are going to needle you, buy your family members a copy now. Not only did I find it enjoyable, it was written in a way that wasn't preachy, a way that I felt would help family members understand the adoption journey without feeling like I wanted them to be brown beaten.

I read this book because I plan to pass it along to family members to read as we prepare for our adoption. It was incredibly helpful and did a good job at stating so many of the things that I have been thinking/feeling during the process. It talks about attachment, how we as the adoptive parents will be protective of birth parents, how it is important to protect baby's birth story, about culture, etc. It gives tips to family members about what they can do/say.