How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written Paperback – Illustrated, January 17, 2012

I was really a fan of James Bond as a child, and now that the years are passing me by, I figured I better get to work on that childhood dream of becoming an international man of mystery... that can legally kill people. As you can imagine, it was hard to find a book on the subject, that is, until now.After having bought this book, and becoming a secret agent (in training), I have to say I am a bit divided on how best to review this book. Having carried it with me all over the world to [1]reference as needed on my daily trial to becoming a master spy (who can kill people), I can honestly say it has not let me down, and thus truly deserves the five stars I gave it.However... on my first true mission to some dive in some country whose name I cannot even pronounce without consuming at least nine cocktails outlined in this book, I found myself beaten half to death by some jealous [2]taxi cab driver, and locked in a room with a cobra. At that point the cocktails were wearing off, and the cobra was looking at me like I was his next [3]meal. I figured no problem, I'll just reference my trusty ol' How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written, and be out of here in time to meet that driver's wife at the laundry mat.Now had I really paid attention when I read the book, that is to say had I paid attention to anything other than the section on mixing cocktails, I might have realized this book lacks a section on how to deal with cobras, and as such I was forced to improvise.Needless to say, my hopes of legally killing people... I mean of becoming a secret agent and thus saving the world, were dashed. I mean seriously, without the ability to outwit a hungry cobra, what would I be? I might as well start chasing after artifacts with a whip, like all the other wanna-bes.So now that I am just a guy, who cannot legally kill people, and thus save the world on a near-daily basis, I have plenty of time to read. Having finally ready most of this book, I can say it is every bit as good as the series. Other than War and Peace, no other book has made me laugh out loud like this one has.Apparently there is a lot more to being an international super spy than just mixing cocktails, and I can guarantee that after you reed this book you will... well, you will probably still not be any closer than you were before you started reading this book, but you will have laughed a lot, and know how to mix a few more drinks... and most certainly will [4]not know what to do if you run into a cobra.[1]Mostly the section on cocktails.[2]It was a elephant I think, I honestly don't recall if I was hitting on his woman, or insulting his elephant. I had been there for three days, tested 90& of the cocktail recipes in this book, and only had a rough understanding of their language at that time.[3]It was a big cobra okay![4]Other than urinate yourself and miraculously fit through a window your head barely fit through... apparently.

I admit to being an enormous Archer fan, but I still would never give a poorly written stack of regurgitated jokes five stars. This book delivers the laughs, especially if you know anything about the show. Which I do.But, humor being completely subjective, I still feel compelled to at least dispel a couple shameful myths put forth by other reviewers.MYTH: "...three out of four jokes are ripped word for word from episodes of Archer..."FACT: Let's do some math, shall we? Archer states at the start of the book that he's contractually obligated to produce a manuscript of no shorter than 30,000 words and will, therefore, deliver a manuscript of precisely 30,000 words. As I read the book the second time, I highlighted every word I could find that either retold a joke from the show or even so much as referred to a joke from the show. I even highlighted Alex Karras (whom Lana mentions in Archer S1 E10) even though the joke about him is completely different. Total word count on reused jokes: 322. That's 1.073%. So, essentially, the book is 99% new content.MYTH: This book "substitute[s] rehashed dry jokes for actual information" and is "not much of a guide to anything."FACT: This is a book by Sterling Archer, so if you're expecting an encyclopedia on the finer points of covert ops, you haven't been paying attention. Spoiler Alert: you won't actually learn how to become an international spy by reading this book. That said, unless you already know the recipe for Green Russians, or the proper way to prepare Eggs Woodhouse, or how to say "Would you like to have sex with me?" in 17 languages (including Portuguese, of course), then I can assure you this book has plenty to teach you.For example, from the section on page 19 regarding the martial art of Savate:"Savate is French for 'face kick.' And while the French have a reputation for being effeminate... I think this is unfair. Because they also have...the French Foreign Legion. So the next time you're feeling adventurous, walk into a bar in Algiers and call a Legionnaire a putain de merde. Then walk outside and feel around in the sand with your hands, trying to find your head."Not the greatest advice, but at least you learned something (and I bet you laughed, too).