His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Hardcover – February 1, 2011

This book is perfect. I gave this book to a friend for her wedding present. It is a must-read that I highly recommend to every married couple or anyone planning to get married.

This is a really special book, and I am hoping that Amazon continues to make this product available for purchase. I bought two hard cover copies and was a little distressed to see that it is already temporarily out of stock! Really hoping it becomes available soon because I have a LIST of persons to give this to. I am currently engaged and my dad borrowed this book from our church library for me to read. Wasn't too interested at first, but then I began to read this book (Had never heard of it before)... and was so surprised and gutted at the same time. Wow - this drove so many truths right down into my being - it was amazing how much I felt that this was something both my fiance and I NEEDED... And we have read it together and spoken about it countless times. Also, in addition to dealing with our own issues, when our friends are going through rough times in their marriages, we can actually UNDERSTAND the difficulties they face. Marriage is no easy relationship - and that is an understatement when we look all around us. Thanks to the author of this book we are going into our marriage later this year, with our eyes open to many things that we did not understand before - matters that seemed vague and seemingly trivial are not so AT ALL. For me personally, it was like the pieces of a puzzle coming together - in my 35 years of existence as a human being and some previous relationship experiences - there are some things here that became much clearer and things I wish I had understood before.Dr. Harley shows the five top-order emotional needs of men and women and how each can meet the other's needs, in the context of 'affair-proofing' your marriage. Also, what stood out for me was that these needs are VERY different and therefore requires understanding, patience and WORK. But what you can begin to experience after reading this book, understanding the concepts, accepting and applying them, can make your relationship PHENOMENAL. My fiance and I have become closer and our interactions with each other have significantly improved our relationship (more love 'deposits' in our love banks - go read it for yourself!). Also, I found some of Dr. Harley's videos on youtube.com: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGjriUcN39Q - This is the first in a six video series. I sent these to a couple of my colleagues, and they have nothing but the most outstanding reviews to give on these videos and want to purchase the book.Thank you Amazon for making this available!... and please... we want more! :)

Our marriage counselor recommended this book for us. At times, some of the things I read would make me so mad! However, all in all, this was a great tool for us. I read every single page.

The author's point is that men and women have different needs. What often happens is that husbands and wives think that their needs are the same. For example, a husband will try to give lots of physical affection to his wife because he likes it. He assumes his wife likes it just as much as him. Then he gets confused when she doesn’t enjoy it as much as he does. Men and women need to be aware of the needs of their spouse, not just their own.According to this book, one of the main goals of marriage is to focus on fulfilling the needs of your spouse. It doesn't work if both spouses try to solve their own needs. This results in both people being unhappy. The husband needs to focus on the needs of his wife and the wife needs to focus on the needs of her husband. This takes a lot of work!There are five main needs that are focused on for both men and women:A Wife’s Top Five Needso Affectiono Intimate Conversationo Honesty and Opennesso Financial Supporto Family CommitmentA Husband’s Top Five Needso Sexual Fulfillmento Recreational Companionshipo Physical Attractivenesso Domestic Supporto AdmirationThese lists do not describe every husband or wife’s top five needs. However, most men and women have similar rankings. There are other needs that are discussed in the book but these ones are talked about more in depth.One of the other main things discussed in this book is how often affairs occur. Author Willard Harley, Jr. says that the reason why affairs happen is because the needs of one spouse are not being met. When that person meets someone who does start meeting those needs, they fall in love with them. In order to make your marriage affair-proof, you need to make sure you are fulfilling the needs of your spouse.What this book did well:Explaining the differences between the needs that men and women have. Men and women are different! We need to be aware of this. Just because you like something doesn't mean that your spouse likes it too.What this book did not do well:The author made it seem like the spouse who wasn't meeting the needs of the other is the one responsible for the affair. I don't know if he meant for it to sound this way, but it did. While that spouse may be partly responsible, the one who committed the affair is the one responsible for the greater sin.It made it seem like if the needs of one spouse aren't met, they will definitely go have an affair. It should have been worded, "an affair MAY occur" rather than "an affair WILL occur."