Jane MattesSingle Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood

There are a lot of books about there about being a single mom, but this is the only one I've found about deciding to become a single mom. Single Mothers by Choice is an organization comprised primarily of women in their thirties and forties who, for whatever reason, have not found a permanent relationship, but still want to be mothers and create families. I would guess that most of the readers of this book are educated professional women with ticking biological clocks who might have liked to raise children with Prince Charming in a traditional family setting, but that opportunity did not arise, so they are considering other alternatives. The book is directed at women who are not in a permanent relationship with someone who will assume a serious parenting role in the child's life; unmarried women who are part of a committed partnership, either straight or lesbian, and have already decided to start a family, might not find the book to be very useful. (In other words, although the book discusses adoption and donor insemination, this book's primary emphasis is NOT as a resource guide for couples who have already decided on adoption or insemination.) Jane Mattes, the author, is the single mother of a 17 year old son (at the time the book was written) and a counselor who has traveled around the country meeting with many single mothers by choice. The book discusses all of the things that a single woman should consider before embarking on motherhood, and provides lots of guidance and anecdotes for women who have made the decision. (I found the stories of other SMCs to be particularly helpful; reading about how some of the women's parents reacted to their decisions made me feel much better about the conversations I've had with my own parents.)This is not a feminist manifesto. The book doesn't necessarily encourage single motherhood; rather, it encourages women who want to become mothers to be aware of their options and make informed decisions about whether motherhood is right for them. The book doesn't minimize or ignore the possible difficulties that single mothers by choice may face, emotionally, financially, and in all ways. Although the incidence of single motherhood by choice is rapidly increasing, there is still a certain element of the population who thinks that you need to be 25 and happily married to be a good mother, and will not hesitate to pass judgment on a woman who chooses to go it alone. The book is particularly helpful in providing guidance on how to deal with that judgment, and it provides a lot of reassurance, through statistics and anecdotes, that a child born to a loving, caring single mother will likely turn out to be well-adjusted and just fine.Topics covered include a discussion of whether single motherhood is a good choice for any individual, ways through which to become a single mother (known & unknown donor insemination, adoption, etc.), dealing with and telling others about the pregnancy, legal aspects of single motherhood, dealing with the "daddy" issue as the child becomes older, dating, subsequent marriage, and such. There is quite a bit in the book that deals with parenting as a single mother, rather than simply conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. It doesn't convey for a moment that single motherhood will be easy, but it does convey that for many women, it can be highly rewarding. The author emphasizes what is in the best interest of the children, and discusses the importance of having positive male role models in a child's life.

Great book! I love how much it covers and talks about things that I hadn't originally considered. Very easy read and I love that it references stories of people in different situations.

Even if it isnt for you, this is such an informative and encouraging book. I highly recommend for anyone going through this or even if you just want to learn more so you can support someone going through this!

There is some useful and comforting information in this book, but I wouldn't say it's the most inspiring or amazing book that could have been written on the subject (that being said, though, I don't have any other suggestions for something better, either). There is definitely some good advice, and I'd say it's worth a read but it's out-of-date. It'd be nice if they wrote a newer version.I wish there had been a bit more advice on how to talk to the child about not having a dad, I felt like this was very vague and lacking.

This was a good book, but it’s ancient. I’m pretty shocked that it’s never been updated considering this woman runs an organization for single mothers by choice. Fertility treatment is rapidly evolving, and this book hasn’t been updated since I think the 90s.

this book is written by the founder of single mothers by chiolce. it covers all the topics that would cross your mind in the adoption process. i found it to be extremely helpful as it addressed a myriad of topics from infant, toddler or older child adoptoin, international adoption, private vs. public, etc. in addition there is a great index which includes organizations all over the US to meet and discuss your concerns, adoption agencies, adoption attorneys and more. it is very thorough and a must read for anyone in the beginning stages of the adoption process.

Its been a couple years since I’ve read this but it was exactly was my analytical mind needed... the truth. Raw reality to feel better prepared.

Loved the categories and detail. Made me consider a few things I haven’t thought of yet. Very easy and helpful read!