BETWEEN PARENT & CHILD: New Solutions to Old Problems

Ever get upset with a child? Read this book. I’ve been working with children, teachers, and parents for over 15 years now, and apart from the profoundly impactful educator Maria Montessori, the child psychologist Haim Ginott has had the most influence on my success — and *Between Parent and Child* is where he offers his core teachings. To begin, Ginott is a mensch, an individual with integrity who leads by upright example. This clearly comes across in his writings and in the few TV appearances he made over the years. Ginott understands and cares deeply about both children and adults; and, in my opinion, it is this combination that makes *Between Parent and Child* so powerful. As Ginott notes in the opening: “No parent wakes up in the morning planning to make a child’s life miserable. No mother or father says, ‘Today I’ll yell, nag, and humiliate my child whenever possible.’ On the contrary, in the morning many parents resolve, ‘This is going to be a peaceful day. No yelling, no arguing, and no fighting.’ Yet, in spite of good intentions, the unwanted war breaks out again.” Ginott gets parents, and he gets children. Really, he just gets people. And his aim in the book is to help all of us have more meaningful, effective, and happy relationships. The ideas Ginott discusses in *Between Parent and Child*, particularly around the need to truly understand a child’s (and our own) emotions, are not fully original to him; there were a few incredible psychologists before Ginott that developed much of the foundation he builds on. But Ginott is unique in just how practical he is. This book takes deep theory in psychology and brings it down to everyday moms and dads (and teachers) in a way that can be immediately applied at home (and in school) with awesome results, assuming one does the work, both with their child and with themselves. Ultimately, Ginott offers powerful communication tools for human beings, regardless of age. I think this is why the idea of “acknowledging emotions” has had such a lasting appeal, whether one learns of it directly from Ginott or from other sources (such as from the book *How To Talk So Kids Will Listen*, whose authors were mentored by him). Bottom line, if you are a parent or a teacher who struggles to “get a child to listen” or who can find him/herself frustrated with a child at times — so basically if you are a human being — then this book has the potential to make your life much easier and more enjoyable. Sincerely, Jesse McCarthy

This book has been so helpful to me! MY 7 year old son and I had been arguing over the smallest things because I was trying to give advise or figure out what happened. This book has taught me a sincere way to validate his feelings and realize that is all a child wants. I don't need to play devils advocate or Sherlock Homes. I just need to validate his feelings. This has stopped the arguments and my frustration. I was also worried about my child's self esteem and now I know why. I was using the wrong approach completely! Now I understand the kind of words to use to encourage him to be proud of himself and recognize the hard work he's accomplished. It has been such an insightful book on how I recognize my own feelings and use this to begin an honest relationship with my child. It has great right and wrong dialogue examples which are extremely helpful to me. This book would have helped me when my son was 3 and I'm sure I will reread it when he is a teen.

This is a superb book on how to communicate with your child. It is simple and clear, with plenty of practical examples. My 5 year old child recently teared up after we drove home with our new kitten, and turned to me with this urgent question: "Will the kitten never see its Mommy again? Not tonight, not ever?" Having just read Haim Ginott's book again (for the 6th time), I remembered to not answer my child's literal question, but to instead address the relationship implied by the question and my child's underlying fear. My husband started explaining to my son how cats are different than people, but when I got my turn to speak, I took my son's hand and said, "Son, I'll be with you. No one will take you away from me." He nodded, and began happily petting the kitten again. Thank you, Haim Ginott, for your book. Every time I read it, I remember again how to be a better parent to my children. I have given this book away now to friends and family members at least a dozen times. I can not recommend it strongly enough. Jodi

Good read and hope the theory comes in handy as my kids grow. Most examples are for 5+ aged kids. The approach may not work on younger kids as they don't necessarily comprehend whats being said to them, especially during a temper tantrum for instance. I do keep reading it hoping I will find some clear examples that will work for my younger kids, but the items I have tried have not yet worked. The examples, though amusing to read and see things from a hypothetical kid's perspective, are always concluded abruptly and don't appear all that realistic. For example, if a child is very crabby due to hunger but refuses to eat and continues being very disruptive, your "sympathizing and acknowledging" that behavior is not going to change it. Getting food down his/her throat on the other hand, instantly changes the "snickers" diva. The book is easy to read and aspires the reader to become a better parent/person.

Dear Amazon: This important little book was used as our textbook collection while I was getting my Masters in Special Ed. at South Texas State. It was and is an essential book for any parent, even those who have normal, healthy and happy children. It is even more useful for anyone dealing with children on a daily basis: parent, caregivers or teachers. I highly recommend it to anyone who wishes to have a handbook on dealing with children in a respectful succesful way. I was a public school teacher for 17 yrs. and went on to mentor others and homeschool my own children through High School. This is a small, easily read book with clear options for anyone who wants a way to deal with children in an effective, non violent, respectful and endearing way. It saved me and my husband many difficulties and helped us to treat our kids with love and respect, while teaching them appropriate behavior. It taught us how to keep a united front, which is essential in dealing successfully with children. This book assists in showing parents how to do things together that show love and respect for themselves as well as their entire family. Hope this helps readers in their choice of books. M. Mander

This book was recommended to me by an elementary school counselor after a child in my son's school experienced violent death at the hands of her father; my son was having a very difficult time dealing with it. I was feeling so helpless and felt compelled to fix, fix, fix my child's pain. This book helped me truly understand that sometimes I need to be quiet and just listen. It gave me practical, ready-to-use words and phrases that encourage communication and allow for the parent to facilitate and guide, rather than moralize or give advice. Before my reading, my son said, "You keep trying to teach me lessons in this, Mom...." and I thought I was doing the right thing. Between Parent and Child had sections dealing exactly with this type of dialogue and how to work through difficult conversations without the lecture. IT WORKED for our immediate problem and continues to work. I am using its lessons in my marriage and at work and find that my communication overall has improved. Highly readable and thought-provoking.

I am almost finished with this fantastic book, and as soon as I'm done I plan on starting over from the beginning. I have already seen how effective using the tools presented have been with my children. It gives a wonderful approach in communication with your child, and through using these techniques we can validate their feelings and emotions. I especially found it useful with my nine year old son, who is very emotional but we have had a difficult time getting past the outbursts and anger to address whatever the core issue is at that time. I can't believe the change I've seen in our conversations when I am speaking to him with some of the skills I've learned with this book. I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking to be a better parent and therefore have better behaved children.

I can't say enough about how valuable this book is. If I could meet the author myself to get down on my knees and thank him, I would. He has given such wise advice about the importance of caring about children's feelings. He has taught me more effectively than anyone else in my life what it really means to respect other people. I try to keep his principles in mind every day when raising my three children, ages six, four and sixteen months. Demonstrating the fact that I care about their feelings has helped me tremendously in disciplining them. They are well-behaved and happy children (most of the time!) Excellent, superb. The wisdom is sound and deserves much more than a quick glance. The more time you invest in internalizing the principles, the more you will get out of it. I am forever indebted to Dr. Ginott!!