Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Paperback – 8 Sept. 2009

There is not a single page in this book which doesn't resonate with me. I was my mother's mini-me, her mirror of the world, my actions a reflection of her, and, always, always, I had to present perfection and a happy exterior. As a child I knew this was an odd existence and I knew I was being set up to fail but I had no voice nor the language of empathy to express my feelings. Everything was superficial, about how 'other people' would perceive me (or rather her). I just tried to please and to seek acknowledgement at every turn but ultimately was left wondering why I never received it and why I was never quite good enough. I am 50 now and my mother died nearly 15 years ago. I saw the light in my early 20s and knew that I had to begin the process of disassociation but I had no explanation for what was going on around me. Now I know what has been going on.If you are wondering whether this is a painfully exposing read, it is not. It is written in a friendly, hugely accessible way - like talking to someone who really knows you well - but if you are not already in therapy you may want to consider dovetailing this with some counselling. I have nearly finished my training as a counsellor and this book has opened up elements of my Jungian 'shadow', freeing me to think independently and enabling me to understand my behaviour, my past relationships and the way I interact with my own children today. The book is divided into three sections: 1/ Recognising the Problem 2/ How Narcissistic Mothering affects Your Entire Life; and finally 3/ Ending the Legacy. The check lists, the questions to ask ourselves and the tips and suggestions for 'managing' your mother are relevant and achievable. There are masses of case studies and reflections from McBride's own clients which make the text real. The book doesn't advocate happy endings or attempt to encourage us achieve harmonious relationships with our mothers, rather it offers ways to keep safe, to foster healthy relationships away from mother with a focus on our own internal healing. The focus of the book is on dealing with a mother who is still alive so my only small gripe is that there is one small paragraph entitled 'What if mother is deceased?' I would have liked to see a bit more on this aspect but I think this is where therapy comes in. However, do not let this put you off. Reading this book has been a true revelation but, most importantly, I now realise that I am not alone.

As I said in the title, this book is the best and most helpful book I’ve ever read on this subject. It talked about things that I never considered in my childhood and helped me to find clarity and understanding about the ways I was affected by my abusive childhood. Not only did it open my eyes to what I endured but it showed me a way forward in my own recovery. I was able to look at how I parented my own children, the mistakes and the successes. I can’t recommend this book highly enough! I’ve had various counselling over the years but I can honestly say that nothing has been as helpful in my recovery as this book. Thank you Karyl, although I don’t know you, I will always be so grateful for all that you helped me to discover and heal from with this book 😊

Fabulous book. Answered a lot of questions. Highly recommend

A self help addict 'extraordinaire' this book hit the spot and then some.Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic MothersI've read it once but plan to read it over and over again until I feel satisfied that having found the holy grail I throughly excavate the area leaving no stone unturned.I think one needs to be at a certain stage in realising and understanding the impact of the narcisstic mother... perhaps a bit beyond the subsequent rage (oh where do we park it?)...to fully appreciate the authors humanistic view.There is a broader understanding here ...like the 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' nothing is clear cut or straightforward...its messy...victims become perpetrators and so on.There is a gentle nudging towards healing...towards salvation.Ideally read on top of a mountain where one has time and space to do all the necessary weeping wailing and chopping of wood.Does what is says on the label.Highly recommended.

Interesting read if you’ve lived with a narcissist. I felt quite angry and sad at time whilst reading this.

I so wish I'd had this book years ago, instead I went through years of self torment, thinking I must be a really bad person to receive so much toxicity from my parent.. oh hell no! Nowhere near no!This book helped me to realise that it isn't my fault, it's just they way my Mum is, more than likely hereditary from her Victorian born Mother. That sh*t stops with me, I've not been in the position to have children of my own and the sands of time are fast running out.. with no opportunity coming my way anytime soon. So I won't be passing it on to my offspring. Cos let's face it, it can be torture to be on the receiving end.This book made me think lots and lots.. and to journal like my life depended on it! Do you know what? I have moved to a place of acceptance. When she throws the toxic sh*t my way, straight away out comes the journal... it really does get it out of my my head, my heart and down on paper, clearing my mind for more peaceful and enjoyable things.I would also like to recommend Mothers Who Can't Love - A healing guide for Daughters. It's written by Susan Forward PhD. I really feel that both books are beneficial to us that struggle with the toxic parent... can I say I think it's for you boys too?... I don't personally know any men who have been through this, but I know female clients and friends who have experienced this.Do give them a read if you're ready to let go of this toxic crap.I hope they help you as they have helped me... but.. there is work to do during the process.. don't let that put you off. I'm approaching half a century and only 2 years ago found this book.. don't let it rule your life, we deserve better and we are very much worthy and able to help others in similar situations too.With LoveX 💖