All About Love: New Visions

There aren't many public discussions of love in America outside of popular culture -- movies, music, books, magazines -- but there should be, because lack of an expansive understanding of and capacity for love is behind much that is wrong in our society. When bell hooks noticed that the world she was living in "was no longer open to love" and that "lovelessness had become the order of the day," she decided to write about it. "I began thinking and writing about love when I heard cynicism instead of hope in the voices of young and old," she says. The result is a book that's a refreshing change from relationship advice books that completely overlook the cultural context of love -- the ways in which love is difficult for both men and women, but especially for women, in a patriarchal culture; the ways in which a more expansive understanding of love is sorely needed to set things right in a country run by fear. hooks begins by addressing the pervasive confusion about what love is, defining it as M. Scott Peck does: "The will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." The chapters in which hooks names "the ways we are seduced away from love" read as a litany of soul-corroding cultural norms. There is, most fundamentally, injustice to children in dysfunctional families in a culture where family dysfunction is normalized. Then there's the increasing prevalence of lying in public and private transactions alike, most recently exemplified in the Enron scandal and the priest-pedophile scandal in the Catholic Church. There's the cultural obsession with power and domination instead of a love ethic. (hooks pulls no punches when she states: "An overall cultural embrace of a love ethic would mean that we would all oppose much of the public policy conservatives condone and support.") There's also the vast and unending greed encouraged by a consumerist society. And last but not least, there's our collective fear of and at the same time worship of death. (What else could explain the great popularity of movies saturated with violence, such as "Lord of the Rings"?) Then there are the chapters where hooks explores the importance of self-love, the reality of divine love, the crucial role played by friendships and communities, the role of romantic love in helping us resolve and transform family-of-origin wounds if approached consciously, the real healing power of true love, and the yearning for love that lies behind the popular fascination with angels. The only topic I found missing from her comprehensive look at love is biophilia, that love of nature named by Harvard biologist Edward O. Wilson. I'm coming to realize that any concept of intimacy with our particular place on earth is sorely absent from most American lives, imperiling our planet's health as well as our own. Throughout the book, it's hooks's personal revelations that make what she says credible and that especially strike a chord in me. I found in her a sister spirit. Just my age, she could be describing my relationship history when she describes her own. And herein lies my biggest quibble with the book: wishing to avoid the kind of disappointments in relationships with men I've had in the past, I want to believe that I can find satisfying love with a male, but the many generalizations hooks makes about men in our culture make me wonder. I fear she may be right when she says that "most men feel that they receive love and therefore know what it feels like to be loved; women often feel we are in a constant state of yearning, wanting love but not receiving it" (p. xx). According to hooks, many, if not most, men under patriarchy tell lies "to avoid confrontation or taking responsibility for inappropriate behavior" (p. 36), "use psychological terrorism as a way to subordinate women" (p. 41), "are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expending effort . . . . [and] do not want to do the work that love demands" (p. 114), are usually prevented by sexist thinking from "acknowledging their longing for love or their acceptance of a female as their guide on love's path" (p. 156), "are convinced that their erotic longing indicates who they should, and can, love . . . . [and] tend to be more concerned about sexual performance and sexual satisfaction than whether they are capable of giving and receiving love" (pp. 174, 176), and "choose relationships in which they can be emotionally withholding when they feel like it but still receive love from someone else. . . . [and ultimately] choose power over love" (p. 187). Hmmm. Men, what do you say to this? Can you deny it? "Profound changes in the way we think and act must take place if we are to create a loving culture," writes hooks. I, for one, would welcome those changes and am working on making them in myself. Despite being marred by unfortunate typos ("Living by a Love Ethnic" [viii], "perfect love casts our fear" [220]), this is a courageous and important book that should be read widely and taken to heart.

This book completely changed how I think about love — and what it isn’t. All About Love by bell hooks offers a radical, honest, and compassionate look at what it really means to love in a world shaped by patriarchy and pain. I’ve learned that love and abuse cannot coexist, that real love requires truth, and that it’s hard to create equitable love in a society built on inequality. hooks also reminds us that love isn’t just for romance — we need it in our friendships, our work, our communities, and even our media. One insight that really struck me: men tend to write about love as abundance, while women write about love as yearning. Doesn’t that say so much about the worlds we live in? I’ve already recommended this book to several friends and plan to read more from bell hooks. It’s the kind of book you can’t fully capture in a review — you just have to experience it.

Beautifully written book. Love is an hard definition to understand bec it has so many meanings. This book offered those definitions and plenty of references from other books with its authors perspective of defining love. Favorite notation: in order to be loving one must know what self love is and to know that is remove low self esteem.

I don’t like to review books that much because I think it’s very personal. Although, I want to review this one because it’s such a light and good book - even physically- easy to read, direct to the point and brings many points for you to understand the writers thought process. Talking about love is not an easy job, another reason why so little people actually can say about it. The knowledge of love shouldn’t be only from a personal point of view as I was taught by this book. If we knew those principles since kindergarten- and kept reinforcing them throughout school and adulthood - we would all be different as a society. Love is not as subjective as many of us think and shouldn’t be so difficult to talk about. I like her perspective and I was worried about this book since I know she is not as conservative as I am. Even though I have my conservative views I still very much enjoy this book. I agree with the social structure about how the world raise women and men differently in society that caused many of us to believe love has to be “understood” and act differently based on your background but most based on your gender. Regardless of where I stand politically, I see middle ground with the writer It taught me many things I will take for the rest of my life, using the knowledge mixed with my therapy sessions I already feel more confident as a woman. (Apologies for my typos - English second language here).

All About Love reframes love as something far more intentional than feeling—something practiced, structured, and rooted in care, accountability, and truth. What makes this book resonate is its clarity. Bell hooks writes in a way that feels direct but never simplistic, challenging inherited ideas about love—especially the ways they’ve been shaped by culture, family, and unexamined habits. She doesn’t idealize love; she defines it, then asks what it would actually mean to live by that definition. There’s a steady, grounding quality to the book. It invites reflection without pressure, offering language for things many people sense but haven’t fully articulated. A thoughtful, accessible read that stays with you—not because it overwhelms, but because it quietly reorients how you understand connection, care, and responsibility within love.

Loveeee this book. Very educational and heartwarming. And all around a great book to read if you want to grow your mind intellectually.

An easy enough read with impactful takeaways. Hooks is soft in tone, conversational in communication all without sacrificing sources for provocation. One of the texts that you can relate to, and its relatability reinforced by strategic excerpts and critical reading of references, classic and contemporary. I felt this and more importantly I respect the intention of this piece. I would certainly reread and recommend.

bell hooks’ All About Love: New Visions is a thought-provoking and deeply moving examination of love in all its forms. With her signature blend of intellect and heartfelt wisdom, hooks challenges conventional ideas about love, urging us to embrace it as an action rather than just a feeling. She brilliantly exposes how society has failed to teach us how to love, leading to disconnection and suffering. Yet, this book is not just about critique—it offers a vision of love as a redemptive, healing force that can transform individuals, relationships, and even entire communities. What makes All About Love so powerful is its accessibility. Whether you're familiar with hooks' work or new to her writing, this book speaks directly to the heart while engaging the mind. It’s a must-read for anyone seeking to understand love beyond romance—love as a practice of care, commitment, and genuine connection. This book has the potential to shift perspectives and change lives. Highly recommended!

Omg, it changed the meaning about love what I thought from childhood. It is essays about love. It is very depth takes time to process. A must read by teens, parents and everyone.

A very gentle & loving reading session, covered so many important topics that we need to shed light on. You’d want to read it over and over again during your time, and it made me reflect on so many things. I noticed that it helped me break down beliefs I had and fears that held me back. Hope you love reading this as much as I did.

This book broke me open and pieced me back together—bell hooks' "All About Love: New Visions" hit me like a thunderbolt, tears streaming as I read it late into Luxembourg nights between marathon training and coffee rituals. It exposed the raw voids in my life where I'd confused survival with love, from childhood neglect disguised as discipline to adult relationships poisoned by unspoken power games and fear of true vulnerability. Hooks doesn't sugarcoat; she redefines love as an active choice—care, respect, trust, honesty—demanding we dismantle greed, patriarchy, and self-betrayal first. I wept realizing my self-sabotage stemmed from unloved inner children, how grief from lost ones taught me love's endurance, not its end. Her words on spiritual love as justice pierced deepest, igniting a fire to live boldly: nurture friendships fiercely, romance without possession, community as sacred rebellion. Reading this healed fractures I carried silently—now I chase connections with open-hearted ferocity, seeing love's revolution everywhere. It hurts, it heals, it transforms. Unforgettable life-changer. 5 stars.

Great book

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