A General Theory of Love Paperback – January 9, 2001

I found this book very interesting, and would certainly recommend it. However I would also recommend that you take it not so much as fact as some interesting ideas and some background supporting them.First, a few words about how this book is written. You won't get more than a few pages without noticing that in addition to caring about their subject, the authors care very much about the way they say it. In a thousand places in this book, where another author might have made a straightforward statement, these authors used a colorful metaphor or a quote from literature to make their point with more style. For example, toward the end of the book they make the point that these days many Americans, somewhat starved for limbic connection, are investing heavily in their jobs only to discover later that it was all business as far as the corporation was concerned. These people will, the authors say, "reap a harvest of dust." The book is chock full of such stylistic choices.You might really like that kind of writing. I have to admit that I do. But if you find it a drag, or if English isn't your first language and every metaphor or literary reference leaves you confused, then this may not be the book for you.OK, on to the content. This book talks about the limbic system and how a young mammal needs consistent close contact with primary caregivers, particularly its mother, in order for its brain to develop correctly. Some of this you've probably heard before: kids raised in isolation often die, monkeys separated from their mothers grow up with severe social problems (isolation syndrome). Apparently a number of internal processes are in some sense "calibrated" by contact with and feedback from primary caregivers. The authors talk about some of this and about memory structures in the brain and their role in emotions.The overwhelming point of the book is that attachment and limbic connection in those formative years are extremely important, and modern (particularly American) society has done much to undermine it. They make quite a point of asking why we do not let our children sleep with us, for example, and point out other ways in which we give our children's limbic systems short shrift.They also give us their take on the consequences, which include the resulting adults not being competent in relationships, being prone to anxiety, depression, and drug abuse, being superficial and narcissistic, being attached to objects incapable of reciprocating, and so on. The authors also argue that ignoring the limbic system is the grave error of western medicine, and that alternative medicine is an attempt to fix that error. Other problems in society are traced back to the same root cause.While there are parts of the argument that are a bit vague, and it seems likely to me that some of these problems have multiple causes, it's mostly pretty compelling in the case it presents that we are not paying enough attention to the attachment needs of children and that lots of bad things result, at least in part, from that. If nothing else, I'd love to see future parents of young children read this book and think hard about whether they want to shuffle kids off to another room to sleep. Along the way you're also liable to reflect on your own childhood and your own relationships in light of what you're reading, and that will be a good thing as well.One thing I found mildly disappointing was the authors' obvious disdain for evolutionary psychology. In the end notes they even throw out some quotes from Steven Pinker about the uselessness of art, which they apparently found quite offensive. Of course Pinker was talking about the uselessness of art toward reproductive success, and I'm guessing that the authors, who obviously greatly appreciate the arts, didn't fully get that. Evolutionary psychology has been an enormous boon to our understanding of human nature, and the fact that the authors don't seem to be on board makes me wonder whether they are "old school," like the older biologists who resisted the transformation that DNA analysis brought to biology.But overall, the book was a great read, unusual in its rich literary style, and will lead to personal insights for many. An excellent work.

Part advanced science presentation, part advocacy for the return of love and genuine caring to the raising of children from birth, part fierce and reasoned assault on modern American medicine, culturally approved parental child-rearing delegation, and the inappropriate and potentially harmful elevation of pharmaceutical fix as a patch for damaged psyches. This extraordinary book, written by three psychiatrists, who care deeply about love and truly healthy human beings, and are saddened by its inferior status in the pantheon of American cultural values, give us an important book that ultimately questions some of our most cherished values and beliefs about what constitutes `the good life', and, perhaps most especially, how do we care for and develop that most important, but woefully neglected, natural resource-children.I loved this book, and have learned so much from it, both for my own personal use, simply for the knowledge and wisdom it imparts, and for what it can teach all of us about the value of love for individuals and for society.Disseminating recent scientific discoveries (as well as debunking many old accepted scientific beliefs) about the biological basis of love, and presenting love and its attendant qualities and manifestations as the most significant difference between the reptilian brain and the mammalian one. These three thoughtful and passionate men explain the ramifications and importance of the development of the mammalian brain, and its superiority to a truly successful human life because the heartbeat of love resides within its neuronal pathways. (They go so far as to argue that because the presence of a healthy appreciation for and proper education about love, that the mammalian brain is more important than the cognitive brain.)I recommend this book to those of you interested in the science of brain development, and recent discoveries about the brain and its evolution. Readers interested in a biologic basis of love, and what the authors forcefully argue as the most important quality a child, and therefore, an adult can learn during the earliest years of life when most permanent psychological and emotional learning are imprinted within the human brain, will eat up the material presented in this treatise.I could go on writing about this book, and my enthusiasm for it, but moving to some final words, the authors, in the first thorough explanation I've read, argue for the value of psychological/psychiatric and emotional therapy, and not the several weeks' kind most offered by the misdirected and economics-focused health care system in this country. They do not promote any specific technique, but state unequivocally the importance of finding the right type of therapy.There is so much packed into its 230 pages.I will read this book, at least once again. I hope as many people as possible learn from its wisdom, at least for the sake of our children, who are our future.