Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

most, easily understood informTION ever! Better than lectures, films, other books. I've been dealing with this BPD from my ex-daughter-in-law for 30 years, & the info is right on target, it's so informative, I sent my son a book to better be able to handle her outbursts.she's had him thrown in jailmany times & in prison once, with her hateful, vindictive lies; the abuse she's inflicted on her boys is unbelievable, that was in the past. She's indicated wanting to know the name of this book, but I won't tell because of her machinations & manipulations, she would know what we are doing & turn everything into a big dramatic mess once again, because she is a self-centered, user, control freak, & I mean that in the kindest way. She really can't change. She went thru boot camp & that changed her outer behaviour, but she couldn;t stand the constant ordering SHE had to take, so she calledher mother to call the Red Cross to come home on Emergency Leave to get her boys in control, their was no problem, & has been on leave going on1 1/2 years, says she will be chaptered out with a Honorable Discharge. I worry about my grandsons, & see some signs of her in her middle boy, but she keeps them from calling, texting, coming over, etc., the reason is she wants them to love her more than me or their dad, all 3 of the boys have indicated they will/want to live with their dad & me, Living with her again is not an aption, won't happen again, not 1 more time,Always starts out very promising, then the rages, rants, threats, etc. I have told the boys to do & say whatever it takes to get along with her & they do, but this spring the 14 yr. old will be gone from her, with us, & the next year the middle son, it will be 4-5 more years b/4 we can get the youngest boy; however, we do know, her included, if the boys are gome she will most likely go back to methods of suicide. She is close to a genius , so she kn ows how to act, what to say to get anything she wants

This book saved my marriage. I was especially happy with the way it approached borderline personality disorder (and those undiagnosed people with similar traits) with compassion and respect for the borderline, and provided insightful testimonials from borderlines detailing how their thought processes often differ from non-borderlines. This book gave me the tools and confidence to stop trying to cover for my wife and save her from the messes she unintentionally creates, while also addressing my own issues with needing to constantly help and fix everyone. This is a book that helps you change your own behavior to protect yourself, but in doing so it also often helps the BP’s learn to stand on their own two feet and take responsibility for their actions. For example, one of the many things I discovered was that my attempts to constantly help her fix bad situations was actually MY issue, and I was disempowering her. Stopping that was really hard for me to do, but sure enough it helped. I am happy to report that after applying the strategies outlined in this book, my wife, (who has consistently refused therapy or medications despite having substance abuse issues, severe depression, angry rages, and being extremely self-destructive) realized her behavior is out of control and voluntarily sought professional help. Her moods and behaviors have drastically improved, and she said she doesn’t feel on-edge, angry, and empty all the time anymore. I cannot stress enough though that these are strategies for the non-borderline, and you will have to address your own negative contributions to the relationship which might include your own feelings of inadequacy and need for codependency. You have to be willing to address your own demons. I recommend enlisting the help of a therapist while going through this book, it really helped me stay accountable for my own behavior.

Reading this excellent book is like receiving authoritative and extremely helpful advice from two very smart and well-educated friends. The authors draw upon their own knowledge as well as research performed by other experts and interviews with people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and those who care about them, and they provide a comprehensive view of this distressing disorder and how to deal with someone who has this problem. As well as how NOT to deal with them. For example, readers learn (Chapter 8) that they should not respond to the rage of a person with BPD with their own anger, even though it's a natural response to do so. The reason is that the anger can escalate. (You can't really "win" an argument with a person with BPD who is in a rage. They know they're right--even when they're dead wrong.) Nor do you try calming the person with BPD down, because that often aggravates them as well. So what do you do? Tell the person in an even-tempered voice that you cannot talk if they're yelling and screaming. Then if the hysterics continue, people who don't have BPD should leave the scene of an argument, especially if they feel themselves erupting. The authors suggest that you should go to a friend's house, take the kids to the movies or take a taxi home and they offer other useful options.The book is replete with information and anecdotes about borderline personality disorder and provides exceptionally helpful advice that somehow seems personalized to readers as well. You will find yourself nodding your head as you read this book, thinking that these authors really know their stuff. Sidebar boxes emphasize key points, which is also an important means of conveying key information.If you have any sort of relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder--friend, spouse or partner, sibling or another relationship that matters to you--you need to buy this book and read it now. Also, don't lose the book after you read it because you will want to come back to and read sections that are relevant to you later on.

Great book to help understand DPD, would buy again

Realmente de gran utilidad. Este libro fue como disipar una cortina de humo y a partir del entendimiento del TLP las cosas han ido cambiando.

C'est un livre qui sauve. J'y retourne chaque fois et apprendre au lieu de souffrir et blamer autre personne. Les auteurs expliquent très bien les côtés invisibles du trouble de personnalité. Cette comprehension mène a la compassion, pour les BD et non-BD. Les non-BD peut apprendre à reprendre la controle de leur vie, tracer les bonnes frontières personnelles au lieu s'absorber passivement tous les energies négatives.

It’s definitely a recommendation

Un libro faticoso per il tema trattato, ma molto dettagliato.Offre un'ottima integrazione tra aspetti puramente clinico-scientifici e testimonianze dirette sia di soggetti borderline che di terzi che ne vengono a contatto (partner, famigliari, amici).Offre infine una spiegazione pratica di concetti altrimenti piuttosto vaghi se letti nella mera ottica psicodinamica: in questo senso ho trovato utilissima la distinzione tra soggetti borderline "a bassa funzionalità" e ad "alta funzionalità".Libro da raccomandare a partner e famigliari ma anche ai terapeuti, proprio per il suo taglio molto pratico e realistico.