Rabbit Hole [Blu-ray]

I followed the release of this movie with interest, though I couldn't bear to go see it at the theatre. I read the critical reviews, and they were mixed, though I knew, good or bad, I would eventually see the film for myself. I am a grieving father. I lost my 18 year old daughter to a drunk driver in February of 2008. I watched the movie on dvd one weekend when my wife was out of town. I find the reviews of this film predictable. There are those who recognize the authenticity of it and those who don't, just as there are those who understand grief and those who don't, simply because they haven't experienced it for themselves. As one who has experienced it - grief - I can only say that the portrayal of the characters in this film is remarkably accurate. Some reviewers judge the responses of the characters, others criticize the film for being too "sentimental". How can anyone be too sentimental about the death of a child? When you have walked this road, you will be surprised. You will not understand the reactions of your closest friends, or even your own. As with Becca and her mother, my mother and I both lost 18 rear old daughters. I didn't really understand my Mother's grief until I lost my own daughter. Recently we met to record my sister's story for StoryCorps, and on the way to the interview, we talked about how we both have come to the realization that we must give ourselves permission to do whatever we need to do in order to survive - even if those closest to us do not understand, even if we can't understand or articulate our motivations ourselves. Some people do get stuck in grief. Some try to numb their pain with drugs or alcohol or sexual indulgence. Some withdraw and isolate themselves. Some look to find help in the company of those who have walked the road before them. Some surround themselves with mementos of their lost loved one's life, and some need to rid themselves of the unbearable reminders of what they have lost. Some couples are driven apart. Some become closer. Some embrace the comfort to be found in religious faith, others blame God. There is no way to predict how this experience will affect and reorder one's life and relationships. It is an emotional tsunami. And it is totally inappropriate and cruel to demand that anyone conform to anyone else's expectation or timeline. I know that this isn't a very articulate review of the film. As a grieving father, I simply want to affirm that David Lindsay-Abaire's portrayal of how the death of a child can affect the lives of his or her parents is authentic and faithful to the real experience. It doesn't exhaust the gamut of possible reactions, but it does touch on the big issues and difficulties that grieving parents deal with. I don't think he is saying this is how it should be, but, rather, that this is just how it is. The film is not miserable and hopeless. But it honest enough not to offer cheap and unrealistic prescriptions. It forces us to wonder at the resilience of the human spirit and the power of love to persist in the face of seemingly overwhelming devastation. Don't judge the characters. Watch and learn. Have a heart.

I happened upon this movie a couple of years after my 29yo son's passing. If I had read a synopsis I might not have watched it, but I'm glad I did. Mother (Dianne Wiest) and daughter (Nicole Kidman) have both experienced the loss of a son and a scene near the end, where the mother explains her evolving feelings about the loss, was so valuable to me.

This movie, about parents trying to go on with their life after the death of their 4 year old, shows some of the faces of grief. We recognize that a tragic loss is going to be very complicated and emotions will be all mixed up. For some they will be completely shut down. Sudden loss of a loved one probably always generates anger, as it did for the couple in the story. I resonate with that and I feel this move gave me a rare opportunity to witness a struggle to adjust to deep loss. I also recognize that after the death of a loved one there is an emptiness. This movie somehow managed to touch that emptiness. It also reveals that tragedy can open up love and beauty as well. It stirred my own heartaches and reminds me that heartbreak may lead to hardness for protection or to tender heartedness. I'm glad I watched this movie and I also feel brave for being willing to look into the face of grief. I think many people run from it and probably wouldn't like this movie.

Every person deals with death in their own way.The characters in this movie have to cope with death, and they talk about how they are handling it, and they deal with it in different ways.I could feel the pain and sadness and loss and emptiness and anger and loneliness and guilt and frustration and senselessness.I loved this movie, and especially the ending, because it was all so "real" - - there was NO miraculous happy ending which tied everything up neatly so that suddenly everything and everyone is all better and all happy and all hopeful - - it was wonderful to see a movie about the subject of death that felt so real without all of the fake promises at the end. At the end, everyone was dealing with death in almost the same way that they were dealing with it at the beginning, which I loved because it was real, because like one of the characters said, "It never goes away."This movie was very inspiring to me because I felt like it gave the message that however you feel is okay, and your feelings are important and you have a right to them.

What can I add that 145 reviews hasn't already covered? This movie and cast portray loss and coping with it in believable realism. Don't expect to be uplifted by this movie. Perhaps this is obvious, considering the topic is related to Becca & Howie loss of their young son and how they deal with this loss. The only disappointment in this movie is the portrayal of religious folks dealing with grief as immature and naive; although this is fairly standard for Hollywood productions. However, Kidman's rage against child-like faith in God does strike an accurate response of many people experiencing such loss in our modern culture (i.e. anger at a God she doesn't believe exists). If you're secular, agnostic, or an atheist you might find the overall theme of the movie redemptive; however, if you're a believer in the Christian God, then you will see that the aspect of faith and grieving is in a parallel dimension that is not part of the world of this movie.