The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce

This is an excellent book that all parents can use - not just those going through a divorce or separation, but intact households as well. I am a family law attorney and I request that all of my clients purchase this book and implement its suggestions from the onset of every case. I can see a drastic change in the way every client that has purchased and utilized the suggestions in this book communicate with the former significant other, which always proves useful for court as well as useful for a lifetime of communicating with an ex.

I didn't like that the first 2 or 3 chapters were the authors basically hammering you with "YOU ARE ADDICTED TO CONFLICT". That being said, once you get through those first chapters they actually begin to discuss methods for you to recognize the onset of conflict in order to avoid it or how to navigate the conflict effectively. Another thing that isn't really the books fault, but one that it recognizes, is that this is definitely best read by both parents just like any parenting class should be attended (separately) by both parents. This is arguably a great read for any individual, regardless of being in an intact marriage, separated, or simply considering having children with your current spouse. It focuses on how your actions effect the children not just now, but for the rest of their lives, forcing you to reflect on the way you have been parenting or makes you consider the momentous decision to start a family and all that it entails.

...and I was an English major, so I've read a lot of books.During our separation, my wife and I were in parent coordination and on a direct course for a custody evaluation and full-blown custody fight. We both were sure that we were "high-conflict," and could barely speak to each other without expressing hostility, contempt and mistrust, even in front of our kids. Despite having our own lawyers and shrinks, a mediator, and a parent coordinator, nobody noticed that our pendente lite parenting plan was horrible with all its transitions. It increased our conflict. Nobody told me stop fighting for more parenting time at the expense of quality parenting time. Nobody stopped the madness to point out that my wife and I actually agreed on a whole lot more than what we disagreed on.Our parent coordinator suggested that we read "Joint Custody with a Jerk." Obviously, she didn't get us. The title alone was a turn-off to both of us. So, in reading the amazon reviews for "Jerk," I found this book. Amazingly, reading it has turned everything around for us.Based on the guidance in this book, I discovered that our acrimony in trying to co-parent was pretty much just the residue of the conflict that ended our marriage (exacerbated by our "support networks"). I realized that we trusted each other in most aspects of parenting (as opposed to being a spouse) and, therefore, could (and should) discuss our infrequent differences in parenting in a respectful, business-like way. Of the four levels of conflict outlined in this book (level 1 being cooperative, level 4 being high-conflict), I was amazed to discover that we were only level 2 with just moments of level 4 from time to time. Level 1 seemed within reach. This book gives you a concise, no-nonsense road map to getting there.Since reading this book and putting its guidance in practice, transitions in parenting-time have gotten better, and my divorce-related stress has decreased.It's tough work not to revert. The theme of this book is that co-parents must extinguish their conflict addiction because it is harmful to your kids, to your relationship with them, and, ultimately, to yourself. The bitter medicine that this book prescribes is that you must communicate with your co-parent *more* than you did before you divorced--more than when you were happily married even. Sounds ridiculous, right? It's not. If you can buy-in to that, you're on your way.If you're a divorced parent, read this book; take the medicine; and figure out a way to talk to your co-parent--a lot. You'll be grateful to the authors, like I am.

If you are looking for a co-parenting book, then this is a good one. If your divorce is low conflict and you really are not having too much stress and difficulty, then there may be more appropriate books. On the other hand, I don't see any books titled "How to co-parent with the former spouse that you get along pretty good with." So I suppose if there was not conflict, there would not be a reason to write a book. So this book is for lowering the level of conflict, trying to get past the constant court motions and bitter disputes that really only (according to the authors) serve to make life more difficult for the children. So if you are dealing with a high-conflict co-parenting situation, this is probably a good book. If your situation is low-conflict, then you will probably find the book interesting but a little over the top.

I have read many books on co-parenting with a less-than-ideal Dad. (or Mom) This one is down to earth and very informative. It is written focusing on what the children need from co-parents instead of how the co-parents should get along. After all, both want the best for their children, don't we?

It's all very well put together, although as a parent that has been in and still deals with a toxic situation with the other "parent figure" it all comes down to patients and common since with some refreshers from this book and a high intense "Love and Logic Class". I have been able to a lot better today, then even yesterday. Because at the end of the day, the only true control one has is over their self and having and saving a common ground keeps it simple. It's also about learning and maintaining your own boundry and to set boundries and limits. Although, don't live life thru a "text book" version, because that's not always reality, we are humans and all have imperfections and no one is "holy er then thou".

A short book - lots of key information.Worth a read.

I am lukewarm on this book. I think the idea is bang on. Parents need to grow up, and be civil for the kids sake. This book was co-written by two lawyers, and you can sort of tell. It is a bit dull, but the underlying message is so important!Sadly, after buying this book, I realized that my relationship with my former spouse is not ready for co-parenting. We are at a stage where parallel parenting is what is required. That being said, I may still find this book valueable. If you are struggling, buy this book! Your kids deserve the best you can give them, and this book may help you do that.