The Emotionally Absent Mother, Second Edition Paperback – April 18, 2017

I had heard about this book from I do not recall where. I will, however, recall how much I have learned from it. It is smartly written, backed up my years of research and includes questions, lists for the reader to review. It was a bit painful to read at times but the insight it has given me far exceeded that. I have recommended to my sisters as well. I strongly suggest anyone with mother's who had difficulty parenting or being present to read this book. It is illuminating and will give you tremendous insight as well as comfort that you are not alone in how you were raised and how you might continue to feel. It is helpful in healing. My mother came here on an arranged marriage from the Middle East. She was 17, he was 52. 4 children by the times she was 24. One summer they went back to spend a summer with family. He caught wind that she went to her parents and begged for a divorce (He was emotionally, physically & sexually abusive). Her depression was evident and, without disclosing what he heard, he sent her back here & left the children to finish their vacation coming back in a month's time. He then went into "hiding" with them. By the time he returned he had a new (older, old maid type) of wife and prevented her from seeing them (it was the 50's AND the culture in arab dominated locations here) She married my father to 'replace' the four kids she lost (adding to that, our father left her with 4 kids under the age of 5 as he chose drinking & irresponsibility for a life). A recipe for disaster in parenting in a healthy manner. IN any event (I am not one to be so forthcoming with this but feel it is important for context) it was not a healthy environment for us, we did not know about her past. My point is that there are a variety of ways that cause a mother to be 'absent'. Certainly alcohol plays a part for some. My general point is that there is always a back story and although this material was not available to those of us from a certain generation, it is now and gives a great many people to understand, forgive, and repair. I guarantee that.

Whether you're a therapist trying to help clients heal from attachment wounds or just a regular person who's trying to understand and heal from the effects of a mother who wasn't fully there for you or attentive to your needs in childhood, this book is a must read.The author does a good job of not blaming mothers who were emotionally absent while still validating the hurt that the child experienced from "undermothering." She provides an easy to understand framework for the various roles a "good mother" would fulfill and how deficits in these areas may lead to long term negative impacts for her children.The author also provides an excellent description of various forms of attachment and how our early (and ongoing) experiences with our mother can impact our attachment style.The last section of the book is dedicated to the healing process. There were some helpful suggestions provided by the author, however, healing is a unique, personal process for each person, so if the activities she suggests do not resonate with you, I would highly recommend moving forward with finding a therapist who specializes in attachment theory and attachment wounds to help you on your healing journey.Overall, this is an excellent resource, and I would highly recommend it.

This book describes, in astonishing and gratifying detail, problems I have sometimes articulated to myself but never found an understanding ear for, so never fully addressed -- until now. I have long felt that I wasn't struggling with the effects of my mother's flaws, but with a lack of true mothering at all, even though I have a mother. The book is transformative, so insightful, and filled with exercises that help heal and set you up to gain mothering from yourself and other sources. My criticisms are: 1) there is a lot of emphasis on how the emotionally absent mother was probably depressed or overwhelmed; but mine was/is neither of those. 2) I would have liked more discussion of handling the ongoing relationship, for people like me whose mothers are still a regular presence in our lives.

Eye opening - informative. Explains a lot. We all are broken parents - learn and move on. Don’t repeat the patterns.

My my experience with this type of parent, I think this book should be required reading for all Midwestern parents of eastern European origin - especially those of Wisconsin, Chicago and Michigan (especially Michigan) where I was raised or spent time - that is, those cultures who, as a whole, raise children 'by hand' and follow the Prussian school of child raising . So many children are damaged by abuse and neglect, and this has to truly be cause of much personal unhappiness and societal social problems in the U.S.Ms Lee-Cori gives a thorough description of the problem in a way that's compassionate that is easily understandable to anyone who've experienced neglect and abuse at the hands of their parents. Then she goes on to describe practical solutions to how one might approach resolution in their adult years. This book gives hope and is worth studying.It's heartbreaking to think that we in the U.S. would treat our children and other individuals so poorly without addressing this problem as a social concern with a long-term plan aimed at resolution. Perhaps this is the case, as this book wasn't available years ago so slowly we are headed in the right direction. But better yet, just reading this book has given me an insight into problems we all face and a daily basis and has made me a better person in that I can communicate with other people in a compassionate and constructive way. That alone is worth ten times the price of the book.