What Matters Most

James Hollis gets it. This book is aimed primarily at those who have suffered a mid-life crisis, but I read it as a troubled 22-year-old man, and it has undoubtedly had a positive effect on me. Ignore the self-help packaging of the cover: there is genuinely sound advice within. Hollis's generally negative view of existence is refreshing. The essential piece of advice he has is for us to recognise ourselves as meaning-creating creatures, and to see our symptoms as the product of failing to live up to what our souls demand of us. Of any choice that lies before us, we should ask, 'Does this choice make me larger or smaller?' When you begin to think in those terms, the fundamental choices of your life become much clearer (if not any less challenging!) Another important, if perhaps more obvious, piece of advice is to understand our lives as a constant process of failure - even if you become President, you are doomed to persistent failure! - and growth, and that at times of crisis we are asked to let one part of ourselves die in order that a better self can grow again.While I fundamentally agree with Hollis's worldview, I did not find his arguments to be prescriptive. The book's most striking anecdote is of the widow who, when told by Hollis that she would be the one to walk herself to the bathroom at night, "she got up and walked out of therapy forever". This book should be treated in the same spirit: as a guide that not only heals the wounds of your past, but shows you the way out of the door to a much richer life. After reading it, you may never need such help again.N.B. I came to this book on the recommendation of Oliver Burkeman's column in The Guardian, 'This Column Will Change Your Life', which I recommend just as highly.

I'd already read a library copy of this book. I bought it because I wanted to be able to read it slowly and to underline ideas that were relevant to me. It is definitely a keeper and is clearly written with ideas that are easy to understand and absorb.It illuminates the way forward as I continue my journey through my 'troisieme age' without my life partner. I have recommended it to several friends who are facing creating a new life for themselves for various reasons, either through retirement, death of a spouse, or other life changing circumstances. Others have arrived at a stage of life when they ask "what now" or "who am I really?" The book discusses to how to become your more authentic self.Having read other 'self-help' books, this stands out above the rest.

This book is not for the faint-hearted, or those in search of a cosy, new-age advice fix. This book tackles the deepest questions with grace and good humour but never gives in to easy answers. If you read this book, and reflect on its insights, it can only lead you to a deeper, more authentic knowledge of yourself.

Jung says that most of our lives we walk around in small shoes, hemmed in by habits and stories that shrink our selves and our lives. Jungian analyst Hollis looks at how, in second half of life, we can break the symbolic chains that have imprisoned our creativity and values, come to understand why we are here, and what a meaningful life really entails. Part brute common sense, partly mystical, he concludes that there are no answers to life’s big questions, but that it’s the journey of exploring these questions that enlarges our lives and our humanity in immeasurable ways. Inspiring book for the dedicated reader, it’s long and sometimes hard to follow. But it all comes together at the end. I feel I have been significantly enlarged by reading it.

James Hollis is a Jungian analyst with a gift for writing books that can be life changing. He specializes in speaking to people in "the second half of life," meeting the challenges of that period. The sub-title, "Living a More Considered Life" gives a flavour of his approach. It isn't about dramatic changes, more about a way of looking at the challenges and fears of growing older. People are looking for "meaning." He says this: "...in the end, our lives will be governed by mysteries, not certainties. ...Meaning will arise from sundry departures from certainties, obligatory deaths and rebirths, and surprising new arrivals from which, then, new departures perforce persist. This is meaning." He quotes Freud who said we can never experience joy unless we also accept loss. Finally, he writes, "we are led reluctantly to understand that the great threat of mortality is also its gift to us, for it not only differentiates the trivial from the lasting, but it summons us to ponder what really does matter to us."