Cruel Jaws [Blu-ray]

As a connoisseur of Italian schlock rip-offs, I was excited when I saw the trailer for this from Severin. I thought they had crafted their own dumb fake shark and were going to straight up rip off Jaws. It's even better. They straight ripped off "The Last Shark", another Jaws rip-off.I recommend giving this a rental if you can. I am a degenerate so I bought it. Be warned. This is not as sleazy as some of the other Severin releases. There is a severe lack of nudity and gore. However the ADR and inhuman dialogue is right there. Essentially it's a comedy featuring lookalikes for Hulk Hogan, Matt Damon, and Patrick Duffy.

I try to be the voice of reason, so here I want to split the difference. If you wrote a 1 star review of this movie, haha, what were you thinking!?! This film is a classic Italian rip-off film; I can't imagine what planet you were living on that convinced you this might be well-produced... or acted... or shot... or written film. The whole point of watching it is that it is NOT any of those things.On the other hand... if you think this is "good bad," well, maybe. There are a few great moments--the scene where the shark kills 1 person and the other 3 manage to kill themselves is good-bad gold--but it's reaching a bit, I think, to claim this is a good-bad film because one of the actors has a passing resemblance to Hulk Hogan. I mean, really? We are certainly easily entertained.That said, if actors that look like faux Hulk Hogans is your jam, you do you! Or if you want to see what Jaws would have looked like with a hack director and actors, look no more. Maybe it will make you appreciate the original more. Maybe it will make you swear off shark films forever. It's hard to say. I guess you'll have to watch it and decide for yourself. ;)

The aquarium is in danger from those snobby preppies and their ascot wearing dad, a shark is running amok and going to spoil the regatta the only thing that can save the aquarium. Can they kill the shark, save the dolphins, and give Little Susy the strength to endure her life in a wheelchair?This is an absolute treat of a movie. Jaws was made in 1975 and here we are in 1995 and Bruno Mattei is still ripping it off. He doesn’t just rip off Jaws, he rips off Jaws 2, he rips off from two other Italian rips offs, Deep Blood and the legendary Great White. When an Italian rip-off is ripping off from other Italian rip-offs you have some kind of weird shark eatings its own tail situation. Not satisfied with ripping off shark movies Bruno Mattei get the composure to rip off the theme from Star Wars with just enough variation to keep the Lucasfilm lawyers at bay. This isn’t just a cheap rip-off it is the best cheap rip-off possible. The story is a jumble of beach movie tropes from all across the 70s and 80s with a new crash plot line exploding out of nowhere every few minutes. Our hero looks like Hulk Hogan and am rather disappointed he didn’t get the shark in a headlock and bodyslam him onto the beach at the end of the movie. Nobody in this movie is a good actor, most I doubt can be called actors at all. Our shark expert sounds like he is in high school, the evil real estate developer is about as threatening as warm milk, the mafia goons, yes we get a mafia subplot, are so broad of stereotypes they should block the entire screen. But the best are the beach bunnies who are there to look good in bikinis and get eaten. They can’t act but that in no way stops them from going full ham in every scene. They may not know what they are doing but they are going to give it their all. The fight between the shark, which when not stealing footage from other shark movies, looks like a summer sausage with teeth, and the preppies is a thing of pure magnificent beauty. Shark chef kiss for the layers of all around insanity that scene throws at you. You can’t go into this movie expecting an original shark movie but I wasn’t prepared for just how much this movie ripped off and with such glorious abandon. They ripped it all off and left nothing behind. While writing this I kept writing Jawas instead of Jaws and it hit me. Jawas driving about in a giant mechanical shark. Mandalorian writers, you can have that one for free.

I am rarely compelled to review movies on Amazon. I go out of my way to find 'bad' movies to watch for fun and there's a spectrum between being just bad, or leaning and winking too much that it's like watching a five year old think they're clever. This movie falls mostly into the category of just bad. More than once throughout the film I was pulled out of the experience thinking "These poor people are standing in front of cameras in costumes and makeup, and I wonder if they think they're nailing it." It's distracting to watch something when you're wondering the whole time if the people acting their roles are in on the fact that what they're doing and making is really not good. It's kind of painful.This movie is the version of Jaws you pick up out of a bin at a store where everything costs a dollar and no one cares about anything. It's basically the same story, it's like when a person has to do a report in school and what they do is put the source material "into their own words" by moving phrases around and adding something every few sentences.There are a few memorable moments in the movie. I laughed once when the knockoff version of the incredibly famous Jaws theme played. I was shocked when toward the end that the knock-off Hulk Hogan is the guy who is supposed to be like Quint. I was straight confused when the song that sounds like the Star Wars theme started playing out of nowhere, and further confused when it played two more times. And "sounds like" is a generous term there, it straight up is the Star Wars theme until it changes at the last few seconds.This movie was bad. Not so bad that it was terrible, but pretty close to garbage. It's not fun and it's not a movie that's so bad it's good. I want to reiterate that I sincerely felt bad for the actors multiple times. I would say don't bother watching this one.

Tutto ok

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Image de mauvaise qualité et le son pas très net et pas de version française dommage et rien à voir avec la saga des "Dents de la mer"