The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating Paperback – August 1, 2010

Over the past year, I have purchased quite a few books about BPD, especially the ones geared towards the partners/family members. This book, for a change, was the only one I read actually written by a person with bpd, as opposed to clinicians or those who left (or were left) a relationship. Ms. Van Gelder is witty, articulate, fiery, emotional, funny, entertaining, and real. Reading this memoir was truly a breath of fresh air.I found the book very informative about BPD and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). Up until about a year ago, I barely knew this condition existed. And, as a non-sufferer, I could only be an observer and try to make sense of the things that were happening in my life and interactions with a loved one with bpd. I could see the actions (shutting down, breaking up, impulsiveness) but I had no idea of the logic, rationale, motivation or emotions behind it. For example, in Chapter 24 (Reversal), she breaks off her engagement suddenly and with no warning- the book delves into her thoughts, feelings, inner turmoil, fears of engulfment,even conversations with her therapist discussing her decision.It was also extremely interesting reading about her journey through DBT and her experiences in class, as well as the thoughts and emotions it triggered. While most information on DBT and BPD is rather dry and somewhat clinical, Ms. Van Gelder makes it come alive, and we see how she uses it in daily life. It's easy to surf the web and gloss over the skills of DBT- but reading Ms. Van Gelder's experience made it much more understandable to me.But the book isn't necessarily just about bpd, nor just her treatment. It shows the author as a multi-faceted, three dimensional, real person. Someone with likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, hang-ups and flaws- much like all of us. It shows us her strength and perseverance, and her determination to get treatment and get into recovery. It shows her willingness to try different avenues and to keep searching-- not just mastery of skills, but truly having a "life worth living", as the author frequently quotes. It was remarkable seeing the change in her coping skills, and her life, throughout the book. I found myself internally cheering her on with each new obstacle she tackled.Overall, I would definitely recommend this book. Ms. Van Gelder is an entertaining, engaging writer, and it's hard to put this book down. More importantly, it gave me new perspective of, compassion to, those with bpd.

I am so very grateful for this book. As with my favorite memoirs, I want to be let in to another’s unique experience, to get a sense of what it might be like to live inside their skin, and Kiera Van Gelder does this beautifully, adeptly, and gently. Memoirs of mental illness, trauma, or really any tumultuous existence walk a fine line between seeking to honestly express certain difficult truths and asking the readers to bear their burdens. In this case, for example, I want to try to understand some of Van Gelder’s experience with Borderline Personality Disorder without going off the deep end myself. Her grounded, skillful writing does exactly this; I felt connected and enlightened without feeling traumatized by her struggles. I know that with books like this—exploring a specific diagnosis, trauma, or experience—many folks go looking for their exact experience and are left disappointed when they don’t find it, which as a memoirist myself is always surprising. When we each share our deepest truths they will always be uniquely our own, and hooray for that! I found much to resonate with in Van Gelder’s story—which was comforting more than triggering— and much that I didn’t, and learned as much about myself and the human experience from both. We need more books like this.

I found this an interesting read. Written with some wit, and the pain of living with BPD comes through well, allowing the reader to get into the groove of just what it's like to live with this crippling mental straight jacket. It's such a self destructive and other destructive illness, that so often is viewed by outsiders as being a bogus disorder, and those with it labelled as master manipulators. However so often if you follow someone with the disorder you would have to eventually admit that they get nothing from it, gain nothing, and often emotionally, financially, end up destroying themselves.One thing I did glean from the book, is that even if not always ideal, at least there are services in the U.S.A that people could try to get help from. It is a shame the mental health services in New Zealand, like the Health services in general are getting whittled away ever further with every year. Some times it seems like the only people to get help for mental illness here are the ones who have gone too far too far in commiting some heinious crime either against themselves or some one else.Good on her for getting into Buddhism, what ever works, and hope it helps her. Religion is not for everyone however, some who have been abused and had all faith drummed out of them as children, would never be able to place their trust in another 'ism. Good reading! Makes you think and really consider mental illness and its pain.

This book is intense, thought provoking and eye opening. This is not for the faint of heart, I read this as a beginning therapist in graduate school and I had to take breaks sometimes. The writer does a great job at describing and conveying the anguish she experienced for so long. I'd recommend to people who have BPD, know someone with it or will come in contact with ppl who have BPD in their profession.